Right then...guilt driven mothering...

And here we go! Imagine, a place to safely vomit head talk. To come and externalise the noise. I'll be interested to see if it has a greater psychological impact than that of the pillow scream!

Right then, what will be my soap box issue of the day? Lets see what evolves.

Kindy drop off this morning. Nothing profound, nothing exciting, just kindy drop off! Sign in time. Two nattering mothers hover over the sign in area blithering about how their 4 year old children still aren't sleeping through the night. Both are working mothers. Both talked about how guilty they felt not taking their children back to their beds. Both clearly are guilt driven mothers. But aren't we all?

I am privileged to be able to stay home with the kids and be their mum, doctor, chef, shrink, buddy, distraction...(you get where I am going) and yet, like these working mums, I too am at times, a guilt driven mother.

I feel guilty if I put myself before my family. If I put my needs to the top of the priority list. Whilst I am no where near as bad as I was, I still do. Why do I feel guilty? Clearly it is a perception thing, learnt from how I was raised.

By Australian standards we were poor! When I was 6, my parents and I lived (not holidayed) in a caravan park. Yep, a trailer park if you are American. For years my mum went without. I remember seeing our underwear on one of the lines at said caravan park and thinking, how embarrassing, look at my mums underpants! But, the needs of her family came first.

Then of course they went on to have 2 other kids, making us even more broke, and thus mum chose to put herself even further down the list. I don't think I ever really witnessed mum putting her own needs before ours! No really, never!

My point is, I saw my mum go without. Not once, but always. That was what needed to be done in her perception. But was it? Have I really benefited from my mum being a martyr? Her putting us first? I don't think so. If I am totally honest, I was/am a bit of an 'all about me' kind of girl, and yet as a mum, I still battle with making 'me' my first priority. What irony! The difference is now, that it is not all about me, it is about me and my family. The challenge is finding the balance. Not feeling guilty if I do put myself first.

I do get frustrated however with those who consistently meet their own needs at the detriment of their children. I think if we choose to put ourselves at the top of the priority list, we are then obligated to be more attentive to our children. That we don't let them raise themselves, but really tap into their needs. We need to be educated about what food our children eat, what books they are reading, about what they are viewing on the TV/computer. We need to tap into their talents, encourage them to dream and help them achieve said dreams.

We need to show our children that we matter enough to look after ourselves, so that they grow up knowing how to look after themselves!! While it isn't all about me, it isn't all about them either!!