Treating the Body with Self Abuse...So Pleased That is in the Past!

I have been talking a bit recently about the journey I have had with my body. What struck me today, is that despite all the self abuse (mostly mental), my body works so well. Every morning so far, I have woken up breathing. This has been irrespective of whether I have run a marathon (which let me say I will never do), whether I am a size 8 or a size 12, whether I have had a green juice or I haven't...I still am breathing! AND what is most freaky about it, is that I haven't ever had to make that happen. My body has just done that itself. Seriously, when was the last time you celebrated that?

Today in the gym with my trainer (who totally gets me), she asked me how I was going. I said "honestly, I feel a little disappointed. It's like when you make all the effort to save up a bunch of money, go through the deprivation, the conscious saving, saying 'no' to things because there is a bigger 'yes' and then you go and spend it ALL. For a while it feels great that you have spent it...and then you realise you have none left and you have to start again". I said, "I'm a bit annoyed I spent so much time saving and now have nothing to show for it". After we pondered on that for a bit, and I did some more push ups on a ball we looked at that again. "Well", I said "I have learnt SO much about myself in the process, so instead of wasted money...it's tuition, it's education...right?? We both laughed.

Today as I nearly fell over, puffed out I had a brief moment of self abuse. I felt embarrassed and frustrated, comparing myself to whare I once was fitness wise to where I am now. Once upon a time I would have gone into a down right crazy lady attack on self and would have launched into self deprivation and pretty much over exercising and under eating! As I type that, I am filled with SUCH relief that I am not that person any more.

I can now treat myself with kindness. I can look to my body for all the amazing stuff it can do. Seriously, if you have done a yoga class with me you will know that I can twist into some serious poses and LOVE it. I know it is in the small changes over and over and over turn into big changes that stick. The changes I am making are purely out of respect for my body to support it to do what it does already so well. To keep me moving, keep me mobile, to pick things up off the floor, to run after the kids, to hug them and throw them around in play, to dance when I am cooking, to feel light in my clothes, to feel strong.

Whatever I do now, is what I want to be doing when I am 80. I wont be running marathons, training for the olympics, breaking world records, I will be chasing after my grandkids, dancing with my friends and arm wrestling my husband (or wrestling still - too much info?). I totally understand the desire people have to 'go hard, or go home' and I am so happy to pick up the pom poms and be chief supporter FOR them...I just know, that me and my body...we like it 'be gentle and listen to each other'.

If you are self beating yourself because you don't fit some super charged 'perfect' mould, ask yourself...who said you had to anyway? It aint anyone but yourself. You get to decide to change your mind my friends.

I'd love to hear about your relationships with your body.

As always, speak kindly to yourself!

Jen
xx

Yoga - as in class, as in life! What do you think?

For me, every yoga class is different. Similar to every day in life. For me every yoga class has challenges for me. Similar to every day life. For me every yoga class has a new personal learning. Similar to every day life.

Ok, so you get the gist. For me, what happens for me in yoga is similar what happens for me in every day life.

Today I attended a new yoga class. As I lay among the class as we waited for the teacher to arrive, I heard a lot of chatter around the room. Like what happens in my head a lot of the time. I noticed that while I couldn't make out anything that anyone was saying I was content to just observe and not judge that noise. It kinda started to sound like music...yes I know how that sounds. Up there with "what are you on chick"?

Soon the buzz got a little louder and I was able to make out some of the noise. It seemed that the teacher was late! GASP. Late to a yoga class? Really? Who does that? *cheeky smile* I popped my head up to look at the clock and yes, it was time we were due to start. I noticed the energy of the class shift. People wanted to get on with their practice. "Where is she"? Some where saying and then the stories began. Traffic? Parking? Forgotten? Again, I smiled at the noise..not unlike what would normally go on in my head.

The teacher arrived and it turned out she thought she was stating at a quarter past the hour, not smack bang on it. Not only that, it was her first time teaching this class at this venue. GASP! Nt off to a great start right? Well, this teacher apologised to us for the mix up. Calmly got organised and began the class.

Already people where sighing and tsk-ing at the situation. I smiled and noticed that this yoga class, was no different from every day life. We have expectations about how things will go. About how things 'should' go. We complain and sigh when things don't go to plan. But here is thought...what if that WAS in fact the plan? What if, we are exactly where we need to be right when we are? Think about it...if we were meant to be somewhere else, wouldn't we be there?

Yoga gives us the space to be right where we are and take notice of this. To be in our body and not out making up stories. To check in with where we are. To get a little uncomfortable. To be exposed to our limitations. To acknowledge our progress. To learn new ways of being in our bodies. To be open to change. To drop expectations and competition. I am so grateful to my yoga 'practice'...because like in life...EVERYTHING is a practice!
So I am curious, do you create space to connect with your inner body? I'd love to hear your experiences.

As always, speak kindly to yourself.

Jen
xx

If you have been following along, you will know that I suffered a wee disappointment recently. To catch you up if you haven't read, the short version is this. Planned to see Brene Brown in Sydney Australia. Booked flights. Organised baby sitters. Bought ticket at Councourse in Sydney. Yes...that last task is where it went plop! As I sit here, I DO NOT have a ticket to this event.

Instead of throwing my toys around (no, ok..after I threw my toys around) I made a decision. I decided that I was going Dare Greatly and USE this experience to add to my life adventure instead of being the victim. I was going to get real about my disappointment instead of shrinking into the "really, that's all you have to worry about in your life...geeze you go alright then huh?".

Truth is, it bites when you have your heart so set on something and it doesn't go the way we had planned. How often do we experience this? It bites so hard for some of us, that we make a decision to avoid that kind of disappointment again, and then get locked into this stuck place of "I don't want to be let down again" or "I don't deserve to want anything, things don't work out for me anyway". It bites when you tell everyone close to you how excited you are about this plan...and then when they ask about it, you have to tell them what happened. It bites when they say "oh well, maybe next time" when that isn't what you want to hear. It just bites!

So, I decided that I would set a personal Daring Greatly Challenge. I would invite situations where I would have to show up and be seen, in all it's delicious (and somewhat uncomfortable) authentic-ness. When I set out on this challenge I wasn't sure what was going to show up. AND if I am honest, not a lot has. Perhaps it is relative to where I am on the vulnerability continuum. Perhaps it is through one of those 'phases' where having courage and being brave is like slicing butter with a hot knife. Maybe. But whatever the reason, I am Daring Greatly to enjoy this RIGHT NOW instead of waiting for the wheels to go wrong or something 'bad' happening. I am enjoying the joy of just being right here, right now.

This morning however, I had a tiny little challenge to Dare Greatly! I have been wanting to buy an indoor plant for AGES. The reason I have been procrastinating is this story "I haven't got a very good track record with keeping plants alive and I don't want to kill another one". Yes, it is true, my track record isn't that great. I even have friends that play roles in this story to keep that story alive. BUT today, I decided to Dare Greatly and bring it into the house because I love it. I don't know what is going to happen with it, but for now, it is adding life to our home space. So, thank you little plant!

I am curious, are there any 'stories' that you keep telling yourself about areas of your life that are keeping you from enjoying the small things or the big things? I'd love to hear.

In the meantime, keep vibrating that ticket to see Brene in Sydney at the Concourse on the 3rd of August for me! THANK YOU!

Always speak kindly to yourself.
Jen
xx

Boo Hoo Poo. Brene Brown, I was looking forward to seeing you!

Yesterday I discovered a really YUK piece of information! A piece of information that given, is a first world issue and many would say "boo hoo you", BUT to me it was a gut puncher!

As soon as I received confirmation that THE Brene Brown was coming to Austraila (by a personal tweet no less), I was going. I knew she would likely go to Sydney, so was all set to head down. Organise kids (check), organise flights (check), re-read Gifts of Imperfection and commence Daring Greatly (check) and most importantly..organise event tickets (check...or so I thought).

The "boo hoo poo" news is that when my friend who I am travelling down with reported she had received her ticket, I went to check on the status of my ticket! At this point, you know how it goes right?

*Sad face* It seems, or not even seems, it IS actual that my transaction was declined...my error! No one to blame! Just wasn't paying attention! No fear...buy another! Good idea, except the event is SOLD OUT! *heavy sigh*

So yesterday I sat in the poo and wallowed in it, marinating in the icky truth that I may not get to do the ONE THING I wanted to do when Brene came to town..see her in person, listen to her in person!

I know enough about how the universe works that I am not going to sit on my hands. I am waiting for a miracle. I have set the intention, I have emailed the appropriate people, I have tried contacting Brene myself, to which I have had a question back, I am doing the Daring Greatly Daily Challenge AND I AM STILL GOING TO SYDNEY (flights booked and non-refundable)....I just know there is going to be a spot for me. I plan to wear a sign saying "I am Daring Greatly and am asking for a ticket...I will pay".

Whatever the outcome, this is what I know to be true.

When I took my book into gym class today, a gym class I have been afraid of stepping into for the last 7 months because I felt that shammy feeling attached to exercising in public especially when I felt unfit and out of shape (pg 36 of Daring Greatly normalised this for me), I felt like I wasn't alone. Well, I wouldn't be alone. My friend was going to meet me there so I would be fine. I could take a picture of the book and we could giggle together! Ah yes...good idea except my friend SLEPT IN and wasn't coming! *gasp*.

Through the class I wondered how I would set up the book to take a picture. I know, great work being present huh? Although, it did help with the distraction when my legs were jelly-fied under me! A gorgeous pair of training shoes caught my eye, similar colours as the front cover of my copy of Daring Greatly! Thats it, I will ask her is I can take a pic of her shoes with my book!

After class, I approached this lady at the front of the gym class and asked if she wouldn't mind getting her shoes photographed with my book. "Ok" she said hesitantly. Not every day I am sure you get a request like that! However, she obliged and I got this great picture. After she asked if it was my book, to which I said "yes it is my copy of the book, but I didn't write it. Brene Brown did, have you heard of her? It was great, we had a chat about the content of the book and she was keen to check it out! So nice to connect over such quality content!

So, I am still going to Sydney. I am still going to wear a sign around my neck and I am still going to Dare Greatly! Thanks Brene!

Speak kindly to yourselves
Jen
xx

Periods. Body Loathing. Just Usual Women's Stuff.

In recent times, I have maintained pretty good health. If you don't ask me to run anywhere fast, or for any length of time, I reckon I pass pretty well. Yet, since the birth of our last baby I have been experiencing extremely unpleasant pre-menstral symptoms and even more uncomfortable periods.

For about 3 years now, I have been on a quest to 'fix' this 'problem'. I have had scans, read literature, had acupuncture, myotherapy, sought naturopaths, did yoga, have meditated AND STILL I have pain. I have tried asking my body "what are you trying to tell me?".

Today, and I quite literally mean today, I am standing on the tippidy top of my down hill run into bloating, pain and excessive blood loss. But today, I am not broken.

I feel a bunch of learned people wanting to say "all you need to do is this...., all you need to do is that.....". BUT what I know to be true, is that I need to truly ask my body what it needs. In Lissa Rankin's newly released book, Mind Over Medicine Lissa talks of writing our own prescription. Asking our body what it needs, and creating space to listen. This is a game changer for me. When I ask my body "sweetheart, why in pain?" the reply is this:

"Please don't hate me. Please stop hating me. you have done this for so long. I am here to serve you and support you, but you want to avoid so many parts of me, like they are too scary to look at. I want you to feel whole and complete. I don't want you to suffer. Please nurture me more, especially during this phase. Please don't wait for me to act on your behalf and get you to rest this way. Please rest throughout the month. Please nurture me more with time and love. Please don't neglect me while you act on the behalf of others. Each month I remind you that you need to put yourself first. Not just say it, do it. I love you and I am inviting you to listen, really listen to these words. Can you say the same for me?"

Since I was a young girl, I disliked the package I chose to walk this life in. There has always been something that needed fixing. Pre teens it was my hair and body. Teens it was my skin, my hair, my bum, my thighs, my arms...you get the picture. This lead to me, at 16 joining a gym, getting a gym program and an eating program. I got an eating program off a woman (whom I know 20 years later had clearly been mislead and miseducated) who 'prescribed' me a meal replacement plan (yes shakes...AT 16)with a total of 800 calories.

Now even those of us who have never dieted (who might they be?) you know 800 calories is insufficient to support health and wellbeing in anyone, much less a wee 16 year old girl. This 16 year old girl wasn't even overweight! She was perfect weight. She was active. She was energetic. At the time my best friend was equally committed to 'fixing' herself and so she too joined the gym, was prescribed the 800 calorie a day meal replacement plan too. We were both elated that we would be very soon, fixed. It doesn't end so well, but you knew that.

From 16 to 21 I played to the belief that I was imperfect and needed fixing. I didn't have a period for this entire period of time. I was proud of this fact. It meant that I was underweight. It meant that I was getting fixed. It meant I would soon be perfect. I withheld food, then in private and usually with the support of my friend, we would demolish vast quantities of food in a sitting. This is commonly referred to as bingeing. Unlike my friend, I couldn't purge. So the food would stay in me..and I thought I might die! I seriously did. So, my next best option was to take large doses of laxatives to move it that way. It did. And for a good while I thought I had found my answer. This was how I would fix myself. Again..you know it doesn't end well.

Extreme pain, extreme urgency that meant that social gatherings were unpredictable. It meant that I couldn't exercise for 3 hours a day as I had been doing. It meant that I was petrified of what I would do if I stopped taking them. My inner knowing knew this was BAD for my health, but I just kept thinking if I just lose a few more kg, I'll stop. On my 18th birthday I weight 45kgs. I was the same height as I am now, and 45kgs. AND STILL I thought I was too heavy. STILL I was restricting. STILL I was broken. STILL needed to exercise for 2-3 hours a day!

Breath in, breath out. Far out, when I type that, it still takes my breath away. That I could have been that girl, and yet what I know to be true, is that most of us even in our adult life are still behaving in ways we were when we were younger. Just in more 'acceptable' ways. It is acceptable for an adult woman to be constantly on a diet. It is acceptable for us to loath our bodies. It is acceptable to be on a quest to fix ourselves. it is acceptable to avoid looking in the mirror. It is acceptable to complain about what is imperfect and broken. We do it all the time. And if we aren't doing it out a loud, we are doing it in private and torturing ourselves with the secrecy and self judgement. Aren't we?

Today, I am on the cusp of losing the inner lining of my uterus but gaining the opportunity to sit and embrace the amazing vessel my body is IN SPITE of all the torture I have put it through. By societal standards I may not be fixed and perfect, but for me, for this life I am in the perfect body, at the perfect time, with the perfect experience. For this, I am grateful. For this is the day that I acknowledge I am truly whole. And body, I want you to hear this:

"Thank you my gorgeous body for in spite of the way I have treated you over the years, you have never let me down. You daily support me in my quest to support others. Daily you give me what I need to live my fullest life. I am so sorry for not listening to you. Your wisdom has the capacity to have a profound impact on me, I know this because you have shown me this many times. You are soft and strong. You are flexible and supportive. You are healthy and intuitive. You are balanced and growing in love. You are the perfect home to my soul and the perfect vehicle for this life. You have produced 3 of the most adorable beings I have encountered and you did it even when I thought I was doing something wrong. You knew. You allow me to sit comfortably and write. You let me stand comfortably and walk (not so much run - which I love) and lay down comfortably when I need rest. You let me hear the laughter of my loved ones, you let me see the most amazing views and sights. Thank you that I can hear the beautiful music the world offers, the gorgeous stories from our children and my husband, hearing some of the most amazing stories from my friends and from strangers. Thank you that you allow me to feel. This is the most perfect body for me. Thank you for choosing me".

If you are curious what happened at 21 when something changed.....I'll fill you in during the next post.

Speak kindly to yourself.
Jen
xx

Are you are tantrum chucker when things don't go your way? Maybe try "Disappointment Disposal".

When things don't go to plan, are you a tantrum thrower? Do you pout and make those around know without a shadow of a doubt you are peeved? Those said people maybe even are dodging the debris of your tantrum chuck. Silent, broody, snappy, easily frustrated. I have this tendency. Such a joy to be around (sarcasm alert).

So what do you do when things don't go your way? Are you an "oh well, that sucks a little" kinda person or similar to the one described above?

Here is the thing, and I am not just saying this to justify my behaviour...truth is, it does suck lemon pips when you make plans, get excited about it and then it doesn't go to plan. What we need to get ok with, is feeling the disappointment instead of pretending we aren't feeling let down or annoyed. When we suppress what is real, it festers and manifests in to all out explosions, and usually the shrapnel hits those closest to us. They cop a beating as much as we beat ourselves a lot of the time.

Lets commit to feeling it, expressing it cleanly, moving it through us and then moving on to resetting the goal, or rebooking the plan, or whatever. When we hold hostility toward the world because it "isn't fair" our hands are full again. We must put down the hostility, move it on or even drop kick it, pick up our phones and call someone to tell them about the disappointment, pick up a pen and write about the disappointment, go to a boxing class and beat the bajoonkas out of a boxing bag, sit in the lotus position and mediate. Find some action to move the negative energy through.

You deserve to feel disappointed, stop pretending you don't. Think of the energy you are holding to stay annoyed. Move it on, You deserve to be excited again. If you practice disappointment disposal, you are less likely to be inhibited getting excited again because you know that whatever the outcome, you're going to be ok.

So my friends, are you feeling disappointed about anything? Would love for you to dispose of it here!

Speak kindly to yourself.
Jen
x

Are you someone who seems to "beat yourself up" when you are imperfect? When we speak kindly to ourselves, we can speak kindly to others.

Are you someone who likes to take a battering ram to yourself when you 'stuff up' or 'make a mistake' or say or do something 'wrong'. You hold it tight and you relive the event over and over and each time you belt yourself, not literally but with the words you say about yourself in your mind.

While you spend time holding tightly to this battering ram, you miss out on reaching out to a loved one who just wants a hug. You miss out on picking up an inspiring book to support you. You miss out on grabbing some nourishing food. You miss out on patting someone on the back saying "great job"...because you are too busy holding this self abusing tool.

Enough now precious! Seriously, enough! Put down the battering ram. You may have messed up. May have done something you aren't proud of. Let your awareness of this be enough. Let is be a teaching opportunity. Let it be a moment where you were human. Let it be a time you weren't in your most 'spiritual' self. Let is be an opportunity to do it a different way! SO WHAT?

With the battering ram down, look down at your free hands. What are you going to do for the betterment of your life. Pick up a book. Write a note to a friend to say 'thanks for being you', give your children a hug, high five your husband for his awesomeness, shake the hand of your boss to say, well done, make a delicious meal for yourself and your friends.

See how much time is wasted on hurting yourself. Enough of the victim role. It has served you well to keep you 'safe', but in doing that you have been hurting yourself...and without you knowing, hurting the people around you.

Speak kindly to yourself my love.

For personal coaching and advice about upcoming personal development events, please go to www.jenleancoaching.com